I do it in public.... and I freaking love it!

I really have very little to say about breastfeeding in public which might sound a little odd, but here is the long and short of it....

What is the issue? I feel silly for even discussing breastfeeding in public, because we, as a society, should NEVER have got to the point where women feel bad, or self conscious, or embarrassed by breastfeeding.

I can go into any news agents and pick up a pair of massive bangers for a couple of quid from the top shelf. Or turn to page 3 of the sun to see some teenager flashing for the cash.

Yet, when I want to use mine in the way nature intends them to be use.... I feel like I am being watched.

I have not had the 'pleasure' of being told to move, or shown somewhere inappropriate like a toilet to feed my baby yet, but every time I feed her in public, I think it could happen..... Not Cool!!

And although I have this whole speech in my head for if and when it does happen, it doesn't detract from the fact that I shouldn't even be thinking about this. I shouldn't even be writing this. There shouldn't be a debate, or discussion, or worry. It should be a part of life that one and all accept.

I wonder where we went wrong?

Is it any wonder so many women give it up before they might have done?

I was speaking to a friend today who said she never felt like breastfeeding came naturally to her, and this is why she gave it up. This is a fair enough point - but she went on to say how, if feeding her baby didn't go smoothly in public she felt sick that people might be watching her 'fumble' and that she might be offending people!!

OFFENDING PEOPLE??

My opinion is, if you are offended by breastfeeding, you have probably been starring for too long.

It is a sad fact, that in this country, breastfeeding support groups have to ask cafes to put up 'breastfeeding welcome' signs in their windows. It is a fantastic thing these groups are doing, but it shouldn't have to be done.

I am a proud breastfeeding mummy, and if my baby needs feeding, she is going to be fed.

The journey continues......

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Breastfeeding 'essentials'.

I am usually one for a good gimmick or fad - generally this costs me a fortune!!

But for some reason, I have not been hooked in by the 'must haves' of breastfeeding. There are lots of wonderful items out there that claim to make breastfeeding easier and more comfortable for the mummy and baby, but are they actually worth it?

During the later weeks of my pregnancy I looked into buying breastfeeding clothing, and MY WORD they cost the earth! For something that essentially is a low cut top, or a top with a hole in it, they really are preying on women who feel vulnerable!

So, I decided from then that I was going to 'boycott' breastfeeding clothing and try and adapt the clothes that I had, and maybe purchase some cheaper items from a certain very cheap high street store....

When D was born, I went and got three vest tops which were long and stretchy and adjustable straps. I could wear them under others nicer tops I already owed and it allowed me to not have to show my tummy when feeding. And it works a treat! I have not felt the need to purchase any tops that are designed specifically with feeding in mind, and have saved myself a bit of money in the process!!

So what are the breastfeeding essentials? There must be some right??

Well, like everything else in this world, we have evolved to need things to assist us in our daily lives. Much like not being able to live without a phone nowadays, breastfeeding women might struggle to live without the following bits and bobs:

1: Breast pump - even if you don't plan to express and bottle feed on occasions (worth doing in my opinion to get baby used to bottle) you are going to need a pump to relieve the pressure! I cannot begin to describe the feeling you get when you think your boobs might just explode....

2: Nursing Bra - and a good one at that. In fact, this is the only area where I would spend more money. It pays to go and get measured for a bra when baby is still small, even though you are still
changing shape, you need to be comfortable.

3: Breast pads - you will leak! And those little patches on your t-shirt and not a good look.... believe me....

4: Feeding Pillow - not something I had thought of until D was about 6 weeks old and my arms were aching. I went and bought a fab pillow called a Widgy. It is very firm so you don't have to hold it up, and it means it leaves you hand free!! Amazing!! Here she is modelling ours - the other good thing with it, is that you can sit them up in it!!

5: Good nipple cream - not something anyone wants to think of, but cracked bleeding nipples are quite unavoidable. Most women suffer so get some good quality cream. I have not had to use my very often, but when I have, it has saved me from tears.

6: Breast milk freezer bags (if you plan on expressing and storing) - I was incredibly keen on getting my husband involved with feeding from the start, so I expressed and stored from day one. She is not fed breast milk from  bottle everyday, but I have a good little stash in the freezer if ever I feel the need for a night out (??!!) or some other such event. I have got Lansinoh storage bags from Mothercare. When I bought them, they were the cheapest for that size pack (50).

I honestly think everything else you can buy is not worth the money - unless of course you have a small fortune stashed away and you can afford the luxuries.... No .... me neither!!

The journey continues......

Too hot for babies. Too hot for mummies. Too hot for boobies.

In this heat, I have found it at times almost unbearable to feed my baby.

That, in itself, sounds terrible I know, but having a 10 weeks old baby that wants to feed more because she is thirsty more, and is getting hot and sweaty in the process, is an experience that leaves a lot to be desired.

I have been so paranoid about D in this weather that my sleep has been more disrupted than at any other time during the past 10 weeks.

I am up hourly to check she is ok, checking the thermometer only to curse the digits that appear, touching her bare tummy to check she is not 'too hot', whatever that means in this weather!! And all the while she is sleeping like never before.... which makes me worry further....

Is she too lethargic?
Is she drinking enough?
Is she drinking too much?
Am I drinking enough...? (always no!)

It is a never ending worry, and there is no sign of it letting up any time soon!

BUT...
 I AM NOT COMPLAINING ABOUT THE WEATHER.... I AM NOT COMPLAINING ABOUT THE WEATHER (repeat until believable).

It is glorious outside, and we have had some lovely days out at a family, and some beautiful BBQ's and evenings with good friends out in the garden, but when you hear the Level 3 heatwave warning which specifically states that babies are at risk, you cannot help but go into panic mode.

So what is the solution?

In short... there isn't one. Brilliant. So here is what I am doing to keep D cool(er).

At night, she is sleeping with the window open. Not ideal because of bugs and a draft, but the alternative of overheating is not worth thinking about!
She also has my old wheat bag which I used to put in the microwave to heat up for aches and pains. I pop that in the freezer all day and she has a cool bag on her side to send her off to sleep.
Nice cool baths... good short term solution.
She only wears clothes to leave the house. When we are inside she is just in her nappy.
She sleeps only in her nappy.
We sit out in the shade when we can and if there is a breeze.

Short of spending all our time in air conditioned cafes, there is not much else I have found that helps!

One things I have noticed about this weather, is that my sick baby, is even more sick! I have been searching for the answers as to why this might be, as she is still happy and healthy, but much more sick that usual!

The main reason I can think of, (and this is no way scientific fact, just me asking questions and examining my lifestyle), is that the amount of water that I am drinking has dramatically increased. 10fold I would say!! From what I can tell this has effected the milk that I produce, making it thinner and therefore more thirst quenching than filling. Therefore, I THINK what is happening, is D is gulping away merrily, taking far too much to try and fill herself and then bringing it back up......

Might be talking rubbish there, but it is an answer that, for now, seems to cover most of the issue!

As a red head, who has a baby who is currently a red head, I don't usually favour the sun - it is not my friend. However being on maternity leave seems to have brought out the best in me, and I have very much enjoyed the weather, even if I have to seek shade or shelter for the most part!

We have had some wonderfully family days that I would not trade for the world! And it also gives me the opportunity to feed in some gorgeous places.... even if I do get hot and sticky :s !!

The journey continues.....

Drinking and feeding.

Throughout my pregnancy, I despised the smell of alcohol. It repulsed me!!

An amazing thing, I kept thinking to myself! At least I am not craving it!!

But, a few days after D was born, I suddenly got my taste back! A nice cold cider on a sunny evening would be lovely. But what are the 'rules'??

I spent a long time feeling guilty that I was having a drink and feeding in the early days, and always felt like I needed to justify myself.

It seemed as though people had MORE of a problem with drinking and feeding than they do with drinking in pregnancy!! Which seems ludicrous! I am not harming something that is unborn, now am I harming her now she is here!

So what are the facts??

I am not talking about getting shit faced! I am talking about the occasional cider when you are in the pub, or a glass of wine when baby is in bed.

Some people feel so guilty about having even ONE drink that the 'pump and dump' which to me seems like a waste, but if it makes you feel better about relaxing, then fair enough.

The fact is, in simple terms, if you are safe to drive, you are safe to feed. The amount of alcohol in your blood, is what ends up in your milk, so one drink will have very little effect, and will not do your baby any harm.

In fact, some researcher suggest that breast milk with alcohol in, is still better than formula.... not sure what I think about that personally, but it does make interesting reading.

I am in no way condoning getting drunk, or having too many when you are in care of your child.... I am more talking about getting your own life back, which most women need to do to maintain some normal adult behaviour. So on two occasions I have left D with my husband and gone and met some work colleagues. Although the first time I found it tough to leave her, it made me feel so much better. And because I was driving, I knew I would be able to feed my baby safely. Plus I went out at bedtime and knew I wouldn't be feeding her until the alcohol was practically out of my system anyway.

I know women who just don't want to risk it and that is worthy of praise, but also, women shouldn't be made to feel as though they cannot have a life, or relax in the way they did before their babies arrived. Lets not create a culture in which it is ok to 'just have one' whilst pregnant, but not when the baby arrives.... statistically more issues occur with drinking in pregnancy than when breastfeeding.

The journey continues......

It's true what they say....

I didn't find this 'fact' out until D was about 9 weeks old but it is so very true.

The first 3 weeks of breastfeeding are the hardest.
After 6 weeks it becomes MUCH easier.
After 3 months, you start feeling sorry for bottle feeding mummies.

I think if you had told me this in week 3 I would have whipped you with a car aerial and told you to leave me alone, but on reflection this is so very true.

Everyday until week 6, there was an issue. Wether it be low supply, mastitis, cracked nipples, soreness, painful let down, worry about weight gain... you name it, I felt it. But seemingly so do most other women.

So why isn't there more support in the first 6 weeks?? SURELY if more time and energy was spent with those women that find it difficult at the start, then breastfeeding stats would be up massively!!

Throughout my pregnancy and after birth, I was bombarded with information about how breastfeeding is the best for my baby, and how doing it helps both me and her, and the longer I can do it for then the better, but as soon as I left the birth centre, I had to find my own support.

Ok so maybe when the health visitor came around when D was 13 days old she asked if everything was ok, but where was the support after that? As I keep saying, week 3 for me was simply the worst time ever, and I think if I wasn't so 'stubborn' and determined I absolutely would have given up.

I consider myself lucky. There are some fantastic breastfeeding support groups in my area, and around this area of the New Forest they have coordinated so that their is a group on every day of the week, so should I have felt the need, I could have got help on any day. But I KNOW this is not the case in many many areas of the UK..... WHY???

If we want breastfeeding statistics to be higher, then more needs to be done to help mums in those first 6 weeks. Even if it is just a phone call once a week, or a point in the right direction. I am certain that thousands of women must feel abandoned as soon as they are discharged from hospital. This cannot be right.

After 6 weeks, I felt absolutely fine about feeding. Things had settled, it felt FAR more natural and, suddenly, nothing hurt anymore..... things were they way I had envisioned at the very start. It just took a while to get there.

So, if you are reading this and haven't yet hit week 6, and are thinking of packing it in, please try and reach the 6 week mark. You'll feel so much better.

The journey continues.......

Over to you Roger!

So, mastitis claimed the feeding life of Lasquisha.

'Twas a sad day.

Not for D though, she doesn't care which side she gets her milk from, as long as she gets it. I sought some support and reassurance that it was ok to just feed from one side and the best answer I got was "Of course. Mothers of twins will only ever feed from one side per baby" Makes sense really!

The main issue I had with this was more cosmetic than anything, and that was that I become incredibly lop sided!! Because Roger was doing the work for both him and Lasquisha, he doubled in size, whilst Lasquisha shrunk down to her former ways.

Evidently, there is little I can do about this. I have continued to express Lasquisha, and this hasn't really helped. I have tried feeding from her at least once a day but D becomes so frustrated with it that I cant continue. Shame really.

The other problem I gained from only feeding from one side, was something I had been dreading since day one.....

Cracking and bleeding...... and I thought the mastitis was bad. No getting away from this one. D had to be fed, and there was only one boob that would do it, and that boob was now host to a very very sore nipple.

More advice sought "give it lots of air, express a little milk and rub it in, use good cream etc etc" So, much to my husbands amusement, I spent the evenings walking around with Roger hanging out, constantly rubbing milk into him followed by cream. After a while it did settle, but there was so little I could do apart from wince, shed a tear, and breath through it.....

I kept repeating "I've done child birth, I can do this" Over and over until the feed was done.

By this time in my feeding journey, I honestly felt like it was starting to be not worth it anymore. I still wasn't enjoying it, it didn't feel natural, and everyday felt like another problem or issue I had to face. I totally understand why women give up feeding, I do. I started to feel like a failure.

SURELY BREASTFEEDING SHOULD BE THE MOST NATURAL THING IN THE WORLD? WHY IS IT SO DAMN HARD??

But every time I looked at D, and got her weighed, and knew she was happy and healthy, I knew I couldn't give it up..... and NOW, I am so glad I didn't.

The journey continues.......

Lasquisha is poorly :(

When I told a good friend that I had mastitis he laughed. The comment that followed was "When I hear mastitis I think of cows!" 
Luckily, I found it funny, something that cannot be said for the mastitis itself.

Apparently, the main reason women give up breastfeeding is because of mastitis, and I can see why. Bloody OUCH! For my it was very sudden, and looking back I can pinpoint the exact reason for getting it, and if I had a tie machine I would go back and sort it out!

It was a Friday morning, and I was feeding from a very engorged Lasquisha. She was so engorged I had to hold her steady whilst D latched and drank.
I held very tightly and didn't massage or move like 'they' tell you to. As it turns out, I was causing a blockage, which in hours turned into mastitis.

I was getting my haircut as it was the last day my husband had off before going back to work, and as I sat there the pain in Lasquisha was getting worse and worse, and then the shivers started.

From when I had been told, flu like symptoms were a sure sign of mastitis. DAMN!!! This was week 3, so I had found everything this week so hard, and now I had this to contend with. I genuinely thought I was failing. How could I be getting it so wrong, that I had made myself ill.

I cried at my husband (I think for about the 4th time that day) and we went straight to the GP to see if they could help. Sure enough, a prescription for antibiotics was written immediately, and advice given to ease the pain - keep feeding from it, express it and try to clear the blockage.

I knew Roger was fine to keep feeding if I just expressed off Lasquisha, so determined and stubborn I kept going. I say stubborn, because by this point my husband had bought a tub of formula milk because he knew how hideous I was finding breastfeeding, and this was just another thing to add to the list of reasons I disliked feeding my baby....

A horrible feeling.

I felt rotten both physically and emotionally. But the thought of giving up was more pain than I was physically in, and I had to keep going through the pain, the tears and the exhaustion.

The pain from the mastitis subsided pretty quickly, but the flu symptoms stuck around for a little while, just to make things easier.......

The troubles that followed were bearable and something I am still recovering from to this day. My milk supply in Lasquisha dropped massively, and my let down slowed to an almost stop. So, Roger became D's sole source of milk.

Needless to say, I have been lopsided ever since.

The journey continues......

It's EASY!

So as it turns out, for the first 4 weeks of D's life, I fell into habits that I swore when pregnant, I wouldn't fall into.

Rule number 1 - the baby doesn't sleep on us. 
Rule number 2 - we wont be giving her a dummy. 
Rule number 3 - no rocking, nursing or cuddling her to sleep. 
Rule number 4 - if she does fall asleep on us, we put her in her moses basket as soon as. 

Yeah..... clearly we wanted to be the dictator of a child we didn't even know. I think the ideas were sound in most respects, apart from the fact that babies don't really care for rules.... shame really, as it would have made things far easier.

So into week 4 we go. The previous week had by far been my hardest. Week 3, was nothing short or a hideous bitch. I think it was the the combination of sleep deprivation, a baby I still didn't really understand, and the initial buzz of the new baby had wearing off that hit me. I spent most of the week in tears and not understanding why my baby wouldn't sleep. The hardest thing in week 3 was that she never seemed to be awake and happy. She was either asleep, crying or feeding. Very difficult.

So during a nap, I remembered that a friend of mine had lent me some books - maybe the answer to all my woes would be in them.

So I sat and read...... and read..... and read...... and read......

I read until D woke up for a feed. Then once she was in position, I read some more......

I was astonished at how 'wrong' I had been getting things. And when I say wrong, I mean reading my baby wrong, not understanding what she actually wanted on a day to day basis. Obviously her vitals were still fine and dandy so health wise she was fine, but I wasn't convinced otherwise.

I read about the different sounds and cries she was making, and understanding that it doesn't always mean she is hungry (something I was doing a lot, which explained the many sicks we had in a day from over feeding). I read about how to get them into a routine - something I was very keen on doing, but didn't want to stop feeding on demand.
I read about a routine called EASY - which essentially is feeding on demand, but ensuring you read all the other signs of what the baby wants so she is content, well slept and happy.

It goes like this for those of you who are unfamiliar:

E = Eat
So the routine starts with baby eating. Ok I can do that. Still finding breastfeeding tough, but I have stuck at it, and I will be damned if I am giving up now!! Eat... still takes about 45 mins but... but tick!!

A = Activity
This was the bit I was clearly missing. Giving D something to do. Now this can be as small as a nappy change when they are tiny. Or giving them 5 minutes looking at something black and white. Something to ensure essentially that they don't fall asleep whilst feeding, and if they do, they don't sleep for long.

S = Sleep
The bit I found the hardest... and still do! D is a very spirited baby who thinks she might be missing something if she falls asleep. She has always fought sleep, and if I get this bit wrong, I still have a fight on my hands. The key here is to look for signs of sleep - 1 - yawning. 3 yawns and their out!! Start getting ready for a nap. 2 - 7 mile stare. They are looking but not seeing. 3 - The nodding dog effected. Like falling asleep on the bus. This is the bit D didn't like as she would wake herself up with the nod and struggle to get back to sign 2.
Once I started seeing the signs, I found it easier to put her to bed and leave her to send herself off to sleep.... with her newly acquired dummy to save Roger and Lasquisha from being used as a dummy!

Y = You time
Probably the oddest concept after 4 weeks of being attached to my baby. Finding time for me and my husband.... what on earth can we do with all this time..... watch Django and eat chocolate.... done!!

I think it is fair to say that using this routine has saved my sanity. I am still feeding my baby when she wants it, but the way in which her day is run is much for structured and she now knows what to expect when she wakes up.

I know there will be breast feeding mummies who might not agree with this routine, but my personal oppinion is a baby with a routine is a happy one. And D has certainly shown me that.

The journey continues.....

Surely that's your whole feed?!?!?

I have been blessed.

Blessed with the most beautiful baby girl.

She is so gorgeous just look at her face.

I don't think I shall ever get bored of....... oh crap! Matthew! Can you help please. Fetch a muslin quick!!

It's a good job your cute child. That is the most amount of sick I have ever seen come out of one person, and thats including that time your dad was drunk sick all over me when we were sleeping!!

Surely you have just sicked up your entire feed! What a waste.



I have been blessed with a child who likes to sick. Now I say likes to sick, because it never seems to  bother her. In fact, she smiles afterwards so I do think she quite enjoys it! No body seems concerned about the fact she is sick, she lost 9% of her birth weight which they monitored for a week, but piled on the oz's so she is obviously not effected by sicking.

I have put it down to greed. The girl guzzles and guzzles and then falls asleep, I'm pretty sure I'd be a bit sick if I did the same. My issue was less with the sick itself, but more with the fact that she would spend so much time feeding (45 mins of average each feed) and then loose so much of it. I felt as though I wanted to stop her feed if it went over 30 minutes. NB; I tried this.... it was not a pretty reaction..... 

When my milk came through and her sick stopped being yellow and staining EVERYTHING she wore, I worried less and just accepted that this is who she was. My little sicker. And on speaking with my parents, it turns out I was exactly the same until I started moving.... so I might be in this for the long haul! Best get comfy!!

The journey continues...

An Introduction - Roger and Lasquisha.

My journey into breastfeeding began at 7.59am on the 4th May 2013, when after nearly 9 months of waiting, we welcome our little lady Dorothy into our lives. I had read so many stories of babies being born and instantly heading for the boob, instantly latching and having their first taste of the good stuff.... which made the fact that this didn't happen to me and Dorothy a little disheartening. 

The midwives would comment 'oooo, you know what she is looking for?!' is she went anywhere near my boob, or my husbands 'boob' for that matter, but she just didn't get it.... or maybe I didn't get it... either way, it was not the start I had hoped for. 

After a few failed attempts, the intervention started. Pocking, prodding, pulling - I honestly didn't think my boobs were so flexible. Any time D opened her mouth they were on my like a rash, I literally had nothing to do, I wasn't even holding her whilst they tried to get her to feed. Starting to worry.... 

For the first few hours, I had to feed my baby by expressing and forcing it into her using a syringe, writing down how much she had had, and which side I had got it from. Not the way I thought breastfeeding would be at all. I started to feel very low about the whole thing, and wondering if this was actually sustainable, or wether I should cut my losses and go straight for the bottle. 

The came more comments from the midwives, just to help things along even further; 
'you might find this really difficult because your so pale and sensitive to pain' - I am a ginger and damn proud of it, and I have just given birth using no pain relief whatsoever thank you very much! 
'you have quite little nipples, you are going to find this tough and will have to work very hard at it.' - Oh thanks, I'd never realised there was an issue before, and now you have just cast doubt over the most important aspect of being a mum - feeding my child. 

All I wanted was to be left alone with my baby, to try and figure her out, and to get there on my own. I knew I could do it, and after the initial 'bottle feeding' thought, I was more determined than ever to make it work. Bugger off the lot of you and leave me to it. You're man handling of my boobs is not helping!! 

I decided to make things a little easier and more comical for myself I would name my boobs - normal! I have just named my child, I though I would carry on naming stuff. So I named the Right Roger, and the Left Lasquisha. I think you'll agree that the names are fantastic, and I hope you will all be doing this..... 

I continued to express using my hands into a little cup, and after expressing off Lasquisha, with nobody there to bother me, and my little nipple definitely big enough for D, I popped her on to see if I could do it by myself.... 

LATCH! SUCK! DRINK! Dorothy and Mummy for the Win!! It was 2pm, and finally we had done it. It didn't take long to fill her tummy, but I knew right then, that there was no way I was going to give this fight up. I knew it was going to be hard - people had told me this, but nothing was too hard for this little lady. 

The journey continues.....